looking for the right pair of shoes

I keep writing and deleting things.

I am looking for a pair of Eric Koston 1 shoes by Es, though they do not make them anymore. I don't want the Lakai Koston 1 remake, I want the real ones, the ones I had when I was 14, or however old I was when they first came out. I had an image of myself in ripped up blue and gum Koston's the other day; it seemed like an 'honest' pair of shoes to me.

Right now I am mostly wearing black converse with black soles. I bought these shoes for boxing, when I was boxing with Peter (before I had read Hemmingway, btw, still haven't read Mailer). I wanted a 'vintage boxer' look.

I wore them when I was painting an apartment last year and I dripped some white paint on them.

I like the way the paint looks on them. But I am self-conscious of 'trying to appear like a painter/artist.' For this reason, I tend to explain the paint on the shoes more than necessary.

It takes guts to be yourself and it hurts people.